My dearest, our tutor left us books on the lowlifes of the ton and how we can avoid being desolate spinsters without a husband to provide us with home and comfort. One of the books had an article I wanted you to see as I worry about your place in society daily. It is not your fault my love, sister said the poor can’t help being uneducated. Please read slowly and with caution as the author of this clearly is unwell.

How I was recruited into an underground gang

Okay it wasn’t a gang, but I felt just as unsafe.

Let me set the scene for you, my friends and I play VR chat from time to time when the normal games we have just become way to boring to play. If you have been on VR chat for even ten minutes then you have seen first hand just how far society has fallen.

So back to the gang – I mean bar.

I was approached by the bars owner Liam and within seconds of them greeting me I saw their vagina. Never felt e-closer to e-someone in my e-life. This would not be the last time they would strip naked randomly in the public lobby, but they decided I would be a bartender and work for them so I was willing to sacrifice the light in my eyes to see what this experience would be like.

Shockingly, my VR bartender experience was nothing like this song.

After I donned the proper avatar saying goodbye to my usual Carl Wheezer-Buzz Lightyear-Woody skin it was time to get to work serving the patrons of the bar.

The bar had various classy selections ranging from fetus blood to aged bath water. The occasional fuck me sideways was ordered, and this ‘job’ may not have given me a paycheck but it gave me something much more valuable, fear.

While others are against the invention of robots because they don’t want to get their shit rocked and take part in a forced recreation of the Will Smith ‘I, Robot’ movie, I am against the idea because I would fear for the robots. Mark my words somewhere in the world there’s a Roomba in a cage being forced to clean up unspeakable things.

Number one craving in the bar was alcohol, and number two was any form of physical touch.

After I had enough of staring at people pretending to get drunk I decided to explore what the privilege’s of being a staff member were (spoiler: not much). I went into the hidden back rooms that are off limits to normal users and surprisingly it didn’t make up for the crippling pain I felt from enabling the masses episode of my strange addiction, VR edition.

To sum it up, it was just an empty room with some counters. Save yourself the time and mental strength and just buy a storage unit. The experience will be the exact same just with less voices in your head.

I did learn in my adventures away from the bar area that this job is taken very seriously and if you are not doing your unpaid labor you will be talked to about it or shot on sight.

I would like to take this time now to humbly apologize for taking a break without giving the proper notice to my e-boss and for breathing as a whole.

With that said and done, my friend and I left to go on a different journey hoping to find a new world where we could meet people that are allowed within one hundred feet of a school.

If this teaches you anything let it be this, with great powered computers comes a great deal of a very real threat from online strangers.

Save yourself and the Roombas.

What did you think my love? The author is quite brazen and father doubts they received the proper tutelage in their youth but that’s why I believe this article should speak to you. I know you often mention wanting to be understood and with you both having a lack of common courtesy I couldn’t think of a better piece of material for you to read. Please let me know your thoughts as soon as you get this letter, unless of course you disagree with me in which case it is important for you to know it is better to be seen and not heard.

Love, Shilee