Dearest, unfortunately I was unable to get the latest photos developed for my heartfelt letter to you. Because of this I had to attend the public library and pull images from the copyright free archives to ensure father’s Benjamin’s may not be pulled from his drawstring pig sack by the tons lawyer. Father said if he should get sued then I would getteth the cane. Please enjoy the images I have sent you along with some intriguing musings of a rather ditsy sounding author I found attached to them.
Mommy Long Neck:
1. Pass. I just have this gut feeling that the way she would correct her yellow-jaundice riddled eyes is by replacing her liver with my own. It’s not even the fear of losing an organ that’s stopping me it’s just the fact I know that if she’s already splitting me open there’s no chance she’s splitting the bill.
Siri play Lips of An Angel:
2. Smash. SMASH. SMAASH. In the words of Zazu from the animated Lion King, “LET ME IN, LET ME IN!”. I don’t know what started this kiss but I am prepared to help finish it. Are we celebrating a third wedding anniversary? We could be celebrating three people. Job promotion? Promote me to full time care giver of the both of you. I have never officially given a sponge bath but for these two I would be willing to try.
“MY GIRLS IN. THE NEXT ROOM.”
Night at the Museum Theatre:
3. Smash but only the dragon. Just something about those smoldering eyes and bushy brows that makes my heart feel like it’s about to beat out of my chest.
Don’t Worry Darling Re-Enactment:
4. Pass. Once again it’s giving I am not making it out alive. We’re going to be cooking dinner together, the vibe is going to shift with Mr. Husband and wifey is going to try and warn me via a pie smoke signal that is going to go right over my head. She’s saying hey my husband has lost a screw yet my stomach hasn’t lost it’s appetite. I’m trying to bury my fork he’s trying to bury us. The headlines the next day would read “‘Little Did They Know a Steak Wasn’t the Only Thing that Was Cooked that Night”
Astro-HOT:
5. Smash but only if he keeps the suit on.
I am unsure what the term ‘smash’ or ‘pass’ is in reference to but it seems rather vulgar to me. I thought none the less you may find the articles humorous as I know you like jokes the common folk typically enjoy. I will end my writings to you with a portrait of us I spent weeks perfecting by hand.
P.S. I am truly sorry I made my beauty outshine yours, Father just tells us the importance of always being truthful in our art.
Love, Shilee
Love, Shilee 
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